Afraid Confidentiality Consciousness Disclose METANOIA Secret Stigmatizing Suicidal thoughts

Imagine what happened to me when I sat on a keg of gun powder…Episode 2

If you have not read the first episode of this story titled “Imagine what happened to me when I sat on a Keg of gun powder”; kindly do so before reading this episode for better understanding.
After a year, my financial situation improved and I went to the village and brought my younger sister to
the city to further her education. I prevented her from knowing where my cousins live because I was afraid my cousins could discuss my HIV status with her. Occasionally, we would visit another distant relation who does not know my status.
At every visit to the hospital for my check up, the counselor would encourage me to disclose my status to somebody I trust who would keep my secret, remind me regularly to take my drugs and assist me where necessary but I did not agree. I was rather wrapped with the adage that says “Once beaten twice shy”. I refused to disclose to my beloved sister because I was afraid of what her reactions would be, rather I warned her not to touch my personal effects. In all my smart (selfish) moves, I refused to consider that I was sitting on a Keg of gun powder.
Due to the work pressure at my place of work, I started missing my checkup, soon after I started missing my drugs, yet I felt that things would not get out of control. Unfortunately, I woke up very tired one morning and sent my sister to buy me some multivitamins which I took believing that I would be strong after a few hours. But after two days, I was not getting any better, yet refused my sister from taking me to the hospital lest she would find out my status. Ironically, that was all I could remember till after a month in a hospital.

When I regained consciousness, I was very ashamed of myself because my family members and pals, who moved me from one hospital to the other in ignorance, later found out my status. I regretted not disclosing my status to my sister who would have assisted me to the hospital when I had not broken down. I felt like an outcast, had suicidal thoughts but with the help of the counselors I was reintegrated with my family and pals. They are now my treatment supporters as they give me all the encouragement I need without stigmatizing against me and they do so with the utmost confidentiality I need. I chose to share this on Buchi’s Care Blog so that people will learn from my experience.

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